I like to tell McIrish that he’s sitting on a fortune waiting to happen, if only he’d listen to me. I consider myself not just a writer, but also an inventor, you see. Well, I’m the concept kind of inventor. Some of the things I’ve come up with are the Thumbie (please refer to My One and Only for more on that handly little gizmo), the Coma Cloud, ensuring marital sleeping harmony, and the Portal, which would save countless hours of time by being what is essentially a car-wash for humans (including blow-drying and moisturizer application…why hasn’t this happened yet, right?).
But I have more. Oh, yes, many more! For example…
A scroll for the rearview window of your car, so you can tell other drivers what you think. You know those signs on the highway that say “Click It or Ticket?” This would be the same idea, except you could choose such pithy sayings as “Stop texting, idiot” and “You need to marry me if you’re going to follow this close.” There would be nice sayings, too, such as “Thank you for your service” to those folks who have veterans plates or military stickers. Or just “Have a great day!” or “I love your hair!” I’m not mean, after all.
The Husband Tazer. Okay, I need to work on the name, I understand that. But this handy little device would gently zap your hubby should he fall asleep in the chair while you’re providing colorful narration to Downton Abbey or Orange Is the New Black. The HT would also work when Mr. Right starts to snore. It’d be on a sensor, even, so when he jerks awake, his hair curlier than usual, you’re still blissfully asleep and not contemplating his untimely death. (See? Works for this happy couple.)
The Teenage Son Closet Odor Detection System. I think this one speaks for itself, don’t you? Save Mom from turning into the Kraken, boys! She’ll never have to know just how long those damp towels have been moldering on your floor. Order yours today!
See? A fortune waiting to happen. I’d better get to work on those patents.