Is it that I’m becoming a delightful curmudgeon, a la the Dowager Countess of Downton Abbey? Am I just crotchety and not at all delightful? At any rate here are a few things I think we’ve all discussed plenty.
The Kennedy Assassination. Listen. It was a tragedy, of course. Did Lee Harvey Oswald act alone? Guess what? We’ll never know, will we? The bloody pink dress Jackie wore as LBJ was sworn in…we get it. We’ve seen the iconic photos thousands of times. There is no new information, and even if there were, would it matter? How could it be verified? Who are your sources? It’s time to let that drop that bone, people.
The Beatles. I’m sorry, I’m tapped out where the lore of the Beatles are concerned. I don’t care about their LSD trips or the British invasion or the haircuts (which my mother revisited on my innocent head from ages 6-12). What does the Walrus mean, if anything? I don’t know. I don’t care. Sure, some of their songs are still great, but I’d say 95% of them could be happily retired. Did Yoko break up the band? I don’t know! It was decades ago! Leave it!
Is Michael Jackson Still Alive. He’s not. Neither is Elvis, and neither is Prince. Sorry. Of the three of them, I choose Prince to rise from the dead, if I get a vote, that is.
How Childhood Was Happier Before Social Media. Hey, fellow old people! I agree. Can we drop it now? We aren’t going backwards. Yes, yes, if I were queen of the world, I’d forbid children from owning phones before they were sixteen. I’d also forbid parents from staring stupidly at their own phones, mouth-breathing and ignoring their children, teaching them that there’s always something on that phone that’s more interesting than you, kiddo. But I’m not queen, alas.
Charles and Diana’s Not-Love Story. She was too young. He was too repressed. They were very unhappy.. People liked her best. The. End. Now, if you want to talk about Meghan and Harry, I’m here for it. #sussexsquad
Citizen Kane. I’m gonna be bold and just say it. It was boring. If you think it’s the greatest film ever made, are you kidding me? In eighty-one years, you haven’t seen a single movie better than this? Jeez Louise! I don’t believe you and/or you need to get out more.
In a future blog, maybe I’ll write about subjects that never grow old for me. Hoarding. Infidelity. Baking. Derek Jeter. My kids. But for now, thanks for letting me get that off my chest.